Friday, October 12, 2012

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts! You all are amazing! What a beautiful thing for us to come together through our struggles.
It was brought to my attention that my link at the bottom of my last post wasn't working. :/ Sorry about that! I decided I would just copy and paste so you don't have to go anywhere but here.

I am not writing for sympathy, but simply because it feels good to let it out and keep record of such an amazing/amazingly hard trial. 
September 25Th (the day before my Birthday) I found out I was pregnant. We were thrilled! Me and my big fat mouth could hardly contain this new big secret. So much so that I told my whole family the next day. Stupid..I know I know. But I was thinking " How cute would that be to open up a present from the baby and that be how I told everyone!?" Perfect timing I thought. Plus both of my sister-in-laws were pregnant at the time and I thought it would be fun to enjoy it with them for at least a few weeks. I had called the Doctor and scheduled and appointment and they told me to come it even though I would only be 6 weeks. Weird? Whatever, they know what's best right? So I am feeling great! No sickness..which is a total 180 from Kamden, and to be honest it made me nervous.
My first appointment rolls around and I go in to see Karen McBride. I sit on the table (alone because Kyle couldn't leave work...that's ok. I've done this before and he's seen it before. No Biggie) Karen comes and and as she's prepping the "Texas Tampon" I say to her, " I'm just worried that your look and there won't be any baby". (Insert awkward little laugh)Can you guess what happened? She looks and there is a yoke....but no baby. My heart sunk...lower than I possibly thought it could. Using all my strength to hold it together I asked, "so what now?" She told me that sack didn't look healthy and that I could expect a miscarriage probably that weekend. If not, then I should come back in for a D&C. BUT...don't give up hope (hope...that's all the word I needed) because stranger things have happened and I just might have come in too early for the embryo to show up yet. I was actually only FIVE weeks when I went in. I call Kyle....I go home, got to my room, shut the door, cry, and I don't move until Kyle comes home to make me. (Kamden was at my parents)
So big deal right? Almost every woman has a miscarriage or an unhealthy pregnancy. 50% don't even know it. So why was I devastated? I tried to tell myself that...the tears just kept coming. I asked Kyle to give me a blessing. I am so thankful to have the priesthood in our home. In the blessing there really was no answer either way. Just a comforting blanket for my mind and and an odd piece of information that was, " We are so blessed to live in this day and age and to have the medical technology to help us." Uh ok? So is the baby going to be ok with the help of modern medicine? I didn't get it and I didn't give it another thought.
I made it through the weekend. Phew.
The next week comes too slowly and I got to thinking. "Why are they not checking my hormone levels? I would think that would be a key bit of information to know what is happening with this baby. I call the Doctor. They say "Sure! Come on in." With more confidence after have making it through the weekend I go in to have my blood drawn. I'm talking with the nurse and she says "Didn't I just barely draw your blood?" Yes, I said." I'm in here to check my levels and compare them to the last draw." "Ok, let me check. Hmmmm.... I don't see them? We should have the results by now. I'm trying to rack my brain to figure what happened. OH YA.....You came in last Thursday right? (me-yes) And Karen had a delivery right? (yes) Now I remember. She told me to go ahead and discard you blood work because it wasn't worth sending in.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? What do you mean MY BABY wasn't worth it? Are you kidding me? What type of %$&^%$&#&$stupid#&$%@&%ignorant$#*^%$(&%^$!? 
Just in case you were wondering what was going on in my head.
I left. On my way home I called Circle Of Life and changed my Doctor to Dave Bier. 
I called the nurse the next day to see what my levels were.
 "Hi this is Sheena LaRose. Can you tell me my levels from yesterday please?" "Sure! 1,700. What are we doing this for? You're levels look great!" she said. I explained what had happened and she put me on hold to talk to Dr. Bier. When she came back she told me to make an appointment for tomorrow as soon as possible because something didn't sound right.
So I did.
 This time Kyle came with me because I didn't think my mental state would be able to withstand another blow by myself. I am shaking. He comes in and started the ultrasound. Scared to death to look at the screen, I do. There is my baby :) yoke, sack, and embryo. He looks for the heartbeat. There it is. Slow...but none the is THERE! He said everything looks fine! I looked at Kyle with tears in my eyes and nodded my head. There was our "not worth it baby". I took everything in me not to march over to Karen and show her the pictures and ask "Was this really not worth your time!?" 
That week I got sick. Sicker than I was with Kamden. I couldn't keep anything down. I couldn't get off the couch. But all in all...I WAS sick. That is a great thing right?
 The doctor had told us to come back in in 2 weeks to make sure everything was still on track because he knew we had been worried since it had gotten off to such a rough start. 
Two weeks pass. I'm now 9 weeks and sicker than I have ever been. I go to my appointment. The doctor whips out his trusty sidekick, The Texas Tampon and has a look. Baby-check-yoke-check-heartbeat??/- slowER. Hmmm. Then he proceeded to tell me that the baby should be larger by now and we should have seen some limb growth. He is concerned. I'm not giving up, don't you give up he says, stranger things have happened. Come back in a week and we'll see see if it makes good progress.
I digress.
What do I prepare myself for? A loss? A high risk pregnancy? I felt like my body/mind were in a sick game of tug-o-war. I didn't know how to feel. Hopeful? Angry? Sad? Mourn? So I became numb. Numb to either the outcome.
The next week was weird. Kamden was more attentive than ever. On multiple occasions he would come up to Kyle or myself and give us a big hug and say" I'm sorry momma/daddy". Us-"It's ok! ha ha. You didn't do anything honey." Later this would all make sense.
I was STILL sick. So I had that going for me. It was time to head to my next appointment not having a clue what was to come. I was alone this time. Kyle had an important work meeting and I assured him I could handle it. I go it..say hi to all the cute nurses. We were on first name basis by now. I get undressed, I knew the drill. Screen comes up, I look. I knew. No heartbeat.
Dr. Bier says. "I'm sorry. I just don't see a heartbeat............................................................."

I feel him. I feel my heavenly father wrap his arms around me. I feel warm, assured. I feel relieved? I was not alone. He was there, and I knew it. I did not cry. I held my head high. Thanking my merciful Father in Heaven for ending this earlier rather than later. Before it had a gender, a name. I was lucky. I was going to be ok. Kamdens remarks all of a sudden became to clear to me. My pure little boy who is so close to the Vail knew of our loss before we did. He was comforting his mommy and daddy.
Dr. Bier then explained to me I would need to undergo a D&C. Otherwise it could stay inside me for upward of even a month and I would continue to feel sick. I agreed. It was scheduled. 
The D&C was a quick process. Not as scary as I thought and I was out for the procedure. Immediately after all sickness and discomfort was gone.
I close my eyes, "Thank You".
The doctor then assured me he would examine the embryo to see if anything was more wrong with it and if I would need to take any precautions the next time we tried to conceive.
A week or so goes by and I get the call. "Sheena the doctor would like you to come in for an appointment now." Ok. I'm sure it is standard for all to have a check up after a D&C to make sure everything is gone.
I go in ready to go through all the steps we as woman do in a gynecological visit. The nurse takes me me back and tells me to have a seat and the Dr. will be in in a moment. Huh? No gown? No getting undressed? Doesn't he need to check me? What the?...
Dr Bier: Hey Sheena, I have a student here today. Do you mind if he comes in with me? 
Me: Sure?
So they come in and he proceeds to inform me: 
The reason I called you to come in is because I would rather tell you this in person than over the phone.
(huh? Isn't that normally a bad thing? What is going on here?) 
After taking a look at your embryo I was surprised to find that you had something that is called a MOLAR PREGNANCY.
A molar pregnancy is where two sperm enter the egg and for a super baby.
(HUH?)Meaning a normal human has 23 pairs (46) chromosomes and your baby had 69. (what the?)
It creates triple the amount. This is why you were so sick and your levels were so high. It causes a woman's hormones to sky rocket.(huh...)
Typically a woman's body will recognize this and abort it immediately. You actually had a PARTIAL MOLAR PREGNANCY, which is not as common, as yours did grow an embryo and a heartbeat. 
(Of course I did)
He then says to me (word for word)
"THANK GOODNESS FOR OUR MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY THESE DAYS because this could have been a lot worse for you."
(light bulb..DING! I should never underestimate the power of revelation)
Molar pregnancies can be very dangerous for a woman because they continue to grow and grow. Under a microscope they look like masses of grapes. Without our technology it could have continued to grow and grow ultimately resulting in a potentially fatal incident. Molar pregnancies happen about 1 in every 1,200. Now you will need to come in once a week for as long as it takes to get your levels back to a zero. Last time we checked them they were about 7,000. After that, once a month to make sure everything is still fine. Absolutely NO trying to conceive until I give you the go ahead.
( :( ) 
This is very important because it is possible that if there is any piece of it left in you it could regrow into another molar pregnancy or potentially turn into tumors and become cancerous.
(again with the "what the?") 
My levels are now a 3.

Never in my life had I heard of such a thing. I was happy to hear it wasn't anything I could have prevented but also terrified to hear I am more susceptible for happening again. Overall this experience had been a HUGE testimony builder. I see how much I am loved and how AMAZINGLY thin the line is between our young children and Heavenly Father. Also the power of revelation through priesthood. How amazing that My husband was able to translate word for word what I would soon hear from my doctor? God is merciful and loving and I will never forget that and let it go without a humble heart. I appreciate my son more. He is all the children I'll ever need should we not get the chance to have another in this life. He IS a gift..not to be forgotten. ( Not that he was "forgotten". I just took advantage of how precious and hard to come by they are. Expecting that we would easily have more) I love my family. No matter the size. Sure, we would love to have another. But if we don't, I will be ok. WE will be ok. Heavenly Father has a plan. I trust him. He was and always will be there for me. For us.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

October 15th

October 15th is national Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day. In honer of awareness I figured I would make this post as it seemed to be very fitting for our life right now.
Losing a child hurts. Some events are more tragic than others, but that doesn't change the fact that a loss is a loss. It doesn't matter what the facts say it is hard not to feel responsible, it is my body, my created habitat. I know every story varies, and many women have their own. This is one of my 3.
 It is sad that because of technology we are able to find out we are pregnant so early and what would normally be such a beautiful time in ones life, becomes an emotional roller coaster. We simply are able to find out we are pregnant way to early these days. Before technology women wouldn't find out they were pregnant until they are a couple months or more. One might say, "don't take a test". Ya right. If they had a test you could take the day after you conceive I would surely buy it. And my guess is most of you would too. It becomes an obsession.  The problem is that about 50 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage and 10 to 20 percent of KNOWN pregnancies end in miscarriage, and more than 80 percent of these losses happen before 12 weeks..  if it weren't for those early pregnancy tests we would never know of the loss. We would most likely chalk it up to a bad period.
Had I not started taking tests I would have just though I was 2 weeks late for my period. However I am human and as soon as I start asking myself  "Wait, am I peeing more than usual? Did my left boob just hurt? Oh I'm cramping...could my uterus be growing!?" Seriously. I start the test taking process.
"Honey can you see this line? If you squint with one eye and hold the other open you might see it! Don't blink! It might disappear!" " Is that a positive? Or is it an evaporation line?"
 Ahh google, the place that diagnosed me with cervical cancer when I researched "bleeding while pregnant"  and "low HCG" levels.

My Husband and I have gone back and forth on whether or not we should have another child. We pondered, prayed, and ultimately decided we would leave it in the Lords hands. What is meant to be will be. Let the games begin.
 I still find it fascinating that people can accidentally get pregnant. Obviously it is possible, it happens all the time. (Well, with us not meaning to. Because with God, there are no mistakes, but you know what I mean.) There is so much that comes into play with conceiving a child. All your ducks need to be in a row and the stars need to align..and all that jazz. It is crazy to think that on one side of the world there is a one night stand while on the other there is a woman taking ovulation tests, taking her temperature, charting symptoms, standing on her head, and everything else she can possibly to to get that positive result.
While at Disneyland I was having the best birthday ever at the happiest place on Earth and silently daydreaming about walking over to the gas station to get a pregnancy test while on our vacay. I was supposed to start the 23rd and it was now 2 days past. TWO DAYS!! WOO HOO! We will pretend that I didn't take 3 tests before we left and before actually being late. (Like I said, if there was an earlier test, I would TOTALLY take it.) I kept waiting for all those "signs" we look for and and they never came. I just told myself that this pregnancy was different because maybe my little girl was finally coming and maybe thats why I haven't had tenderness, or nausea, AND I was craving pickles after all. That never happened with my boys.
I took a test 7 days after my missed period. An EPT brand. Negative. What? I am not usually this late and I am still sure my little girl is coming. Two days later I took a dollar store test. A FAINT line. The test said not to look after 5 minutes but 5 minutes is about when it appeared. Are you a positive line or an evap. line?
*QUE GOOGLE* Evaporation Lines
I took another test the next day. Same result. So I called my Dr. and they said my first mistake was taking a dollar store test. I laughed out loud a little because those babies have confirmed every pregnancy I've had to date. Whatever. Anyway, they said I could come in and have them draw my blood to get a HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin or pregnancy hormone level) quant test to tell me my levels (if I had any) and also how far long I was. I went and the results were 19. They informed me that they were low and I was about 4 weeks along and that I probably ovulated later than average. BUT, I WAS pregnant! WOO HOO! I called my Husband and told him and he and his engineering self told me, "Okay, now remember statistics show that every other one works out for us so lets try not to get our hopes up too high."Uhh... man I am so thankfull for your smarts but really?!! ha ha Got to love him! That night he gave me a beautiful blessing for comfort. So that puts my due date around June 5th. Perfect! She will look so adorable in her little infant swimsuits and that is past RSV season.
The night of the 6th I started to spot. Let the dark clouds roll in. They still had a silver lining though. People still spot or even have full periods while pregnant right? I never bled with any of mine, but every pregnancy is different right? The next day I spotted again.. on and off all day. The morning of the 7th I think I knew. But my heart wouldn't let it be so. I woke up with horrid cramping. I tend to have bad cramping with periods anyway, but this was way worse. I was going into labor, I knew it. But my heart still didn't. I was checking everything that came out for a baby. Examining each clot/tissue.
*WARNING TMI* Oops. I guess I should have stated that earlier. Its all about Honesty here my friends.
I swore i had not seen my baby yet. Hope. The cramping worsened so I got in the bath. It was too hot and I thought I was going to throw up. NAUSEOUS! I hadn't felt it yet. Could everything still be ok? Nausea is a good sign right? I decided to jump in the shower. The pain was shooting up my back and I had to drop to me knees. I was going to pass out. Fear immediately took over because I was thinking about my two boys. Hudson was screaming in his crib because I couldn't watch him and I needed him some place safe and Kamden was downstairs watching TV. What if I pass out here in the shower? What would happen with my boys? Would I wake up when the water went cold? Would Kamden find me? Would he know to call 911?
I sat there and hugged my knees. Holding my breath and wishing that if i sat long enough that the pain would stop and if  I didn't let anything else come out that it all would magically repair.
The pain finally eased and I called the DR. They told me that bleeding can be normal but if I was miscarrying there was nothing they could do. "I know" I said.  They told me to come in and have another HCG quant test done and if they were raising then we would go from there and if they lowered, well, then I would know what "that" meant too.
This whole time I thought is was odd that I never had the desire to tell my family or anyone that I was pregnant. Some are probably finding out through this. Normally I am bursting at the seams.
I got myself together and took K to school. I called my Dad and asked him to ride with me and stay in the car with H while I got some blood drawn. I still hadn't cried.
On the way my dad unknowingly asked "Why are you going all the way to this office to get your blood drawn? You know you can go to any IHC clinic to get blood work right?"  Silence. "You didn't know that? ha ha." Silence. "What? Are you pregnant or something?" he said.  I lost it. Right there in the car in front of my Dad. Poor guy. He had no idea what was coming when he agreed to this.
They drew more labs. The woman's tune changed dramatically when she read my orders as to why I was having it drawn. I hate that. I hate that sympathetic look. But I guess it is a natural reaction and I would rather that then cold and callused.
She put the most adhesive lined tape she could find (okay that maaay be an exaggeration) and sent me on my way. It would take a day for results.
I laid on the couch as much as I could the rest of the day to continue to do everything in my power to help her environment. I felt pretty numb emotionally at this point.
The following morning I called promptly at 9am to hear my results.
"Your levels are 4" she says. Four. Okay.
My levels were 19 and now 4. Reality finally booted me in the rear. She didn't make it. Obviously I didn't know the baby's sex yet. But the heart wants what it wants and that is the image I had dreamed up until I could know for sure.
My heart is hurt. I'm not angry. But I am sad. My friend asked me if I saw the baby come out. Maybe. Maybe not. I was holding on to every ounce of hope that I wasn't losing it. I probably did examine it in my hand. Looking at something was wasn't quite perfected enough to continue its path. I'm glad I was blinded at the time. I'm sure it made it easier.
 I know my Heavenly Father has a plan and that not everything is on mine or my Husband's time. But there is a spirit to factor in the matter and for whatever reason the timing wasn't right. Maybe it never will be. Will we try again? I don't know. Right now my emotions are so high that I don't want to go through something of this kind again. It certainly wears on you. I feel confused. Not knowing what happened sucks. I want to march over through the vail and ask "What's the hold up?"
If nothing else. I have 2 beautiful healthy boys. I may never have my own little girl and that is ok. I'm sure my boys would look cute in bows ;). Everyone tells me I need a little girl. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. But one thing for sure is whether or not I have one is already mapped out. I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father and my answered prayers of comfort. As much as I love instant gratification, everything happens for a reason. It is not up to me. I have to be okay with that and I will be. Just not today. Today I am allowed to mourn and be sad. But not for too long. I have two funny boys that wont let me. Today I ditch the water and have a coke.

My heart goes out to all those who have experienced any type of child loss. Some of you have dealt with way more than I have and you are amazing. It was nice for me to wright out my feelings. I already feel better. Thank you for reading.

*If you want to read about my Molar Pregnancy (loss number 2) you can do so HERE.*

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I"m Going To Go Ahead and Pat Myself on the Back for This One. {Fancy Shmancy Picture Frame TUT}

Because I'm convinced I came up with this one on my own!  I haven't seen it anywhere else in Blogland so I am going to give my own brain credit for this one :)
I'm working on a relationship timeline collage to go above our headboard like seen HERE. I seriously cannot wait for it to be finished!
I was going to need frames and I didn't want to spend a bunch of money and was too lazy to take a trip to the DI. So to the basement I went to play with leftover chair railing and a chop saw.
 Awesome. Except for my first-time-cutting-wood-at-an-angle skills. :/ It had character but I wasn't satisfied. So I was trying to think how I could mask the gaps in the corners. Then all of a sudden
It hit me! You know those vases that are on pinterest where they decorated them with glue and then just spray painted over it? You know these ones....
courtesy of Sugar and Cloth
I figured why can't you do the same to a plain jane picture frame? 
So... I used my glue gun because I was way to impatient to wait for elmers glue or puffy paint to dry. 

I probably should have made another frame with the other said glues and used those pictures for a tutorial but I was way to excited to show you guys!

I tried drawing the lines on with pencil first so I could just trace them but I wasn't loving the design so I just grabbed the glue gun and randomly went at it! 
 A glue gun works fine but it doesn't turn out as "neat" as the other glues would. It dries fast and leaves strings and doesn't come out in perfect streams. Or maybe that is just MY glue gun? I dunno...Anyway
 Since this is going on my bedroom wall I put the word love on it. Also to pay homage to where my idea sparked from ;)
 I went outside and spray painted the frame. (Yes, away from the cars honey) and I LOVED how it turned out. I have so many ideas that I can do to my plain frames. I think if you really take the time to use the better glue and put your artistic work into it, you would come up with some pretty darn beautiful frames!
This was my Hubster's boutonniere from our wedding. It had been lying around in my jewelry since that beautiful day...awwww. I know, it looks pretty sad but it means a lot. I adhered some burlap onto the back of it and pinned it on. (I got the idea for the burlap from the blog Always Chasing Life)

RUN! Go try this right now! After you have, PLEASE send me pictures! I would love to see what you all come up with. The possibilities are endless. So go turn those boring frames into something unique.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Attempting To Get Out Of The House: Wal-Mart Addition

How many of you LOOOOVE to run errands with your kids? If any of you are excitingly raising your hands screaming "I DO, I DO!!", you are liars. While off on one of my many adventures to Wal-Mart with the boys we were in stealth mode trying to get in and out as quickly as possible and hopefully without anyone noticing us. I MAY or MAY NOT have been ready that day. While dodging all the dumb people that do not understand that while walking the isles you treat it as if it were a road,
one direction to the right, the other to the left. It's common sense really.
otherwise you get this:
Which leads to this:
and then this:

Unfortunately the shopping cart matter is not the only gateway to a woman about to explode. Like for instant the mother in isle 14.
The boys and I turned down isle 14 to get some baking goods and it was one big ol' traffic jam mess. Clearly the fine people of Wal-Mart did not get my memo.
There was a young woman with her husband and  another young woman all shopping together. With about 7 kids between the two of them. While coding what ALL kids do in stores one child accidentally knocked over a muffin display. While trying to help clean the poor worker that had just stacked them a very wise woman walked by and said, and I quote:
"Why don't you have some more kids?"
That. Just. Happened. .............Speechless.  
Obviously the mom was so utterly shocked that her words escaped her and didn't return until the lady was out of hearing distance. My kids and I weren't unfortunately. But I felt for her so I just walked by and said "Don't worry about it, some women must forget what it was like, or they've never had kids." She mustered a frustrated "I guess" and I went on my marry way yelling at my own kids to sit down before their heads and the floor got a chance to meet. 
Happy Shopping Everyone :)

Monday, July 30, 2012

Coconuts In Your Mouth Cake

I was trying to figure out what to call this cake so I called my bestie Jill and we came up with this and laughed...inappropriate? Probably..but funny nonetheless. We figured since we have a cake called "Better Than Sex", that the world would be fine with a "Coconuts in Your Mouth" cake. Right? Get your minds out of the gutter. It's called that because its CRAZY good (crazy=nuts) and made with lots of coconut so it really is Coconuts in your mouth! Inappropriate?
I have been craving coconut flavored stuff all summer so I thought I would make a dessert centered around the whole fruit. Coconut is a fruit right?  ha...who cares. Anyway, I threw a bunch of stuff together and it turned out AMAZING! So being the kind person that I am, I decided to share this crazy party in your mouth recipe with you all lovely people :)

Coconuts In Your Mouth Cake
1 box of your favorite yellow cake mix + whatever ingredients the cake mix calls for ( I used butter recipe yellow )
1 3oz. box of Coconut Cream Jello Cook and Serve 
1 bottle of Coco Real Cream of Coconut *found in your mixed drinks isle*
1 refridgerated can of Thai Kitchen coconut milk *it MUST be Thai Kitchen* GO HERE to see how to prepare 
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. cinnamon 
2 c. cool whip (not pictured)
1 cup sweetened coconut flakes *toasted*

Prepare your cake batter according to the directions on the box and then add the coconut cream Jello to the batter. Mix well. Bake according to the box. I baked mine @350 for about 32 minutes.
Nice and golden brown :)
Then using the WRONG side of a wooden spoon poke wholes all over your cake. Don't try to be all neat and tidy like I did in the picture. I should have poked more holes! Let cool about 10-15 minutes.
Pour the ENTIRE bottle of Cream of Coconut all over the cake and then place the cake in the fridge. 
Now would be a good time to toast your coconut flakes because your oven is hot and ready to go.
Like a cookie sheet with foil and spread out the coconut flakes on it.
Bake @350 for about 7 minutes
You are going to want to watch it closely and stir about every 2 minutes. I really just kind of watched it the whole time so I could stir before it had a chance to burn because it can burn quickly.
Dude. DUUUUUUUUUUDE! Look how pretty it is! I wanted to start snacking right then!

Now you are going to want to start making your coconut whip cream. 
GO HERE to prepare it.
Once you have your coconut whip cream prepared fold in your 2 cups of whipped cream.
Take the cake out of the fridge and spread the coconut whip cream on top.
*your could greatly reduce the calories if you make more than one can of the coconut whipped cream and completely cut out the cool whip*
Finish by sprinkling on your toasted coconut flakes and you have yourself one coconutty cake!
Isn't she pretty? 
Let me know if you guys make it! I would love to hear your reviews! 
Peace out homes-

Coconuts In Your Mouth Cake
1 box of your favorite yellow cake mix + whatever ingredients the cake mix calls for ( I used butter recipe yellow )
1 3oz. box of Coconut Cream Jello Cook and Serve 
1 bottle of Coco Real Cream of Coconut *found in your mixed drinks isle*
1 refridgerated can of Thai Kitchen coconut milk *it MUST be Thai Kitchen* GO HERE to see how to prepare 
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. cinnamon 
2 c. cool whip (not pictured)
1 cup sweetened coconut flakes *toasted*

Prepare your cake batter according to the directions on the box and then add the coconut cream Jello to the batter. Mix well. Bake according to the box. I baked mine @350 for about 32 minutes.
Then using the WRONG side of a wooden spoon poke wholes all over your cake. Don't try to be all neat and tidy like I did in the picture. I should have poked more holes! Let cool about 10-15 minutes.
Pour the ENTIRE bottle of Cream of Coconut all over the cake and then place the cake in the fridge. 
Now would be a good time to toast your coconut flakes because your oven is hot and ready to go.
Like a cookie sheet with foil and spread out the coconut flakes on it.
Bake @350 for about 7 minutes
You are going to want to watch it closely and stir about every 2 minutes. I really just kind of watched it the whole time so I could stir before it had a chance to burn because it can burn quickly.
Now you are going to want to start making your coconut whip cream. 
GO HERE to prepare it.
Once you have your coconut whip cream prepared fold in your 2 cups of whipped cream.
Take the cake out of the fridge and spread the coconut whip cream on top.
Finish by sprinkling on your toasted coconut flakes and you have yourself one coconutty cake!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Random Thoughts- By Trinity

Hey Ya'll! I just wanted to introduce you to someone I adore. Trinity is my SIL that has an eloquent way with words. Her posts are candid, humorous, helpful, and a great read! I'm going to allow her to take the reins over here every once in a while but you can check out her blog and almost daily posts over at Random Thoughts whenever you like! 
So without further a due, here is Trinity-

Hello!  I am Trinity and this is my husband Andrew.  We have been married for eight years next month.  We have two very handsome boys whom we adore.  Our family is complete and ending at four.  After multiple questions and or comments from curious neighbors and friends.  I have decided to tell our story.  How we became 'us' and how we stay 'us'.  My blog is not destined for marital advice (although there may be some) however, it is a place for me to put down the randomness of my thoughts in words and life in between.  I am a writer at heart.  When my boys venture off to school I hope to do the same.  I am leaning towards a degree in journalism (I have much too learn so don't judge too harshly) or criminal justice.  Complete opposites, but that is what sparks my interest.  Maybe I could just combine the two and journal for crime scenes or law enforcement or be a reporter? 

 You see, all the comments/questions about my marriage stem from the same place; I am an active member of the LDS church and Andrew well, he is more of a spiritual soul whom does not want to belong to any sort of organized church.  He lives by his own standards and beliefs.  Some just don't see how that can work.

There is common ground that our relationship is built upon and that is mutual respect and love.  Why am I going in to such detail?  This is my latest post... Enjoy.

13 years ago, I was the new girl.  The first time I walked the halls of Bonneville High School were on the very first day of school.  I was destined to be a Northridge Knight, but my parents were adamant that their children be taught in Weber county.  We had a few issues with Davis county where my little brother and I attended Sunset Jr. and my older brother attended Northridge High.  Therefore, my parents put our house up for sale and began driving us to school since we lived in South Weber at the beginning of the school year.

I was a little nervous to start high school, I didn't know where my classes were, I didn't know anyone for that matter, but I was outgoing and good at making friends.  My first friend was Anna.  We lockered right by one another and began chatting immediately.  Anna was also new and this too was her very first day at Bonneville.  We supported one another through the first day. 

I was eager to arrive to each one of my classes as one of the first students so I could be sure to find a seat and be on time.  Mrs. Whitby's computer class is where I saw THE cutest boy ever.  He walked in and my heart skipped a beat or two.  He wandered over and sat down right next to me and I immediately focused my gaze straight ahead.   Too scared to look directly at him and too scared to breathe, I barely moved an inch.  Class ended and my heart proceeded to it's normal rhythm.  I walked to my next class with a little more bounce in my step.  As fate would have it that dreamy boy walked in to my very next class also which was History with Mr. Borup.  I later found out that his name was Andrew Powell and he was single; much to my surprise and a sophomore just like me.

School came to an end and my mom was out in the parking lot eagerly awaiting and fearing possible tears from the first day of high school.  Instead, I came out with an enormous smile.  I had to avoid running to the car to spill about my day and the cute boy whom sat next to me; me of all people.

To Be Continued...

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Mommyhood-the woes

Totally different from PARENThood. I know we all say it, but man... NOTHING prepares you for being a mom. When you grow up you think of all the good times you WILL have with your kids. You think of how you will marry your prince and have babies and life will be la-ti-da. For the most part it is true. However, there are some things that are not normally a topic of conversation in fairytales-

1. Having Children-
I remember when I was engaged to get married all I could think about was our future. I had it all mapped out. I knew when we would DECIDE to start, what age we would have each kid, what month I wanted them born in and their sex. HA! No one really tells you that it is possible that you may never have children, that they come when THEY want, that you may actually lose them, and that getting pregnant isn't always as easy as an "oops".

2. Planning how your kids will be and how you will handle them
No one told you that you shouldn't knock other peoples forms of parenting and say things like "I will NEVER do that with my child". Nine times out of ten you will be eating your own words. Promise.

3. The Worry
Ahh know, that thing that starts as soon as you see the positive sign on your pregnancy test. I've come to realize that the feeling of concern for your child will never end. Until you die, and probably long after that! No one tells you that the first time your child tooth punctures his lip and it starts bleeding like he cut his tongue off that mouth injuries bleed a LOT and that He'll be fine. So the 911 call is totally unnecessary.
That was the first of many incidents I would go through. If I only knew! Is this just a boy thing? Are girls death defying? ha ha!

1. The Bloody Nose Massacre 

Kamden would get horrid bloody noses all the time. I swear that if the police came in with a black light and luminal spray, they would accuse us of murder. He later ended up needing surgery to get it cauterized but that is a whole other story.

2. 4 Weeks Early

Our little Hud Bug came 4 weeks early and could not breath on his own. He ended up in the NICU for the first 7 days of his life and came home on oxygen and O2 monitors. A month later we were good to go.

3. Kamden Falls 20+ Feet Out of His Bedroom Window.

Here is The KSL News Story

4. Hudson's Allergies
Call it mother's intuition. Hudson kept getting this dry rash on his cheeks so I took him to the Allergist. After lots of poking...
We found out he is deathly allergic to eggs and dogs. Did you know that eggs are in almost EVERYTHING? I do now.. and the doggy part makes it especially sad for this little guy :(
We now have to carry around an EPI pen wherever we go. But more on THAT in a minute.

5. Blue to the Sky, Orange to the Thigh 
While I had Hudson at the allergist I had to take Kamden as well. The Dr. did a great job explaining to us how to use our new friend Epi. 
as you can see there is blue on top and orange on bottom. The Dr. explained that when administering it that if you remember "BLUE TO THE SKY, ORANGE TO THE THIGH" you will know exactly how to hold it and where to put it. 
A few weeks later I was in SLC for a girls night and I get a frantic call from my husband explaining this:
Kyle: What does the practice Epipen look like? 
Me: (suddenly panicked) WHY?!
Kyle: I think Kamden just shot himself with it.
Me: WHAT?!! What do you mean?
Kyle: He was sitting next to me on the couch and then disappeared into the kitchen. All of a sudden I heard him say "Blue to the sky, orange to the thigh"! I ran in there and saw him holding the pen and asked him what he did. He replied "nothing", and then pulled up his shorts to reveal a picture wound!
Me: Call the Dr.
Kyle: Whats the number? What one?!!
Me: The ER
He then called the ER that got him nowhere and I called his Dr. They directed me to call poison control. 
*I can't lie, being a SAHM I am pretty much 100% of the time the one that is around for crappy Dr. visits and all the bumps, bruises, and accidents. So having something happen on the Mr's watch was kind of nice. Even though I would rather nothing "happen" at all! But you know what I mean!*

Luckily he did not hold it down long enough to get a full dose so they just told us to watch for a change in behavior. I just laughed....nothing is unexpected or unusual for this kid.
Except being lethargic.

6. High Fevers = Brain Delirium and one big fat ?

A couple of weeks ago Kamden went in to have his nose cauterized. Because of his age they had to put him under. 
 Everything went great! When I was little, everything I got really sick or had to be in the hospital my mom always bought me a special toy. In his case he got the Hulk and they gave him a green popsicle to match!
That day he was already back to bouncing on our couches and running around like a mad man despite out efforts to make him rest. The next day I went to the movies with my SIL and came home to an unusually quiet home with Kamden laying on the couch watching TV. I immediately knew something was off. He seemed like he wasn't feeling well so I had him go take a nap. When he woke up he was running a fever. An hour later he got an upset stomach and, know. By the time he went to bed he was 104 and could barely walk. I decided to sleep in his room to make sure he was ok during the night. 
The next morning he woke up still on fire. I called his Dr. and decided to take him to the ER. I knew he was dehydrated by this point and hadn't eaten since lunch the day before. 
We brought him in and after extensive blood work, urine analysis, and a spinal tap, they decided to admit him. He was COMPLETELY lethargic. 
They couldn't give us a for sure diagnosis. After a very scary morning filled with unexplainable rises in numbers in some of his blood work and some terrifying words being thrown around, ( the Residential Dr. told me that I had every reason to be worried, because he was worried too) they were thinking he has a kidney infection, UTI, and staph. His CRP levels were abnormally high as well as his white blood cell band percentage. His urine culture showed he had a UTI and it was caused by staph but they didn't know what kind yet. He was still fevering and the next step would be an ultrasound of his kidneys. What was baffling was that he had no systems of a UTI or kidney infection, fevers aside.
Because they knew it was staph and didn't want to wait for the results as to what kind they decided to start pumping him full of antibiotics. 
I could handle the fevers, I could handle him being poked and prodded, but I could not handle feeling like I was watching my little boy slowly deteriorate. His fevers were getting as high as 104.9 and once they hit around 102ish his brain would go into a state of delirium. The best way I can explain this is that it was like talking to someone that has alzheimers. He would say things that didn't make sense and have conversations with people that were not there. It was terrifying. This was even worse than when he fell out of the window because I had no explanation. 
The next morning (day 3 in hospital) the Doctor cam and told us that Kamden DID NOT have a staph infection, kidney infection, or UTI. His urine sample has been contaminated with epidermidis staph. This means we were back at square one and had no idea what was making him that sick. On the plus side his fevers were getting farther apart and the distance between him needing Motrin was greater. 
By day four he had gone 24 hours without a fever and was back to his usual self. After the Dr. came in to see him and found him jumping and rolling around the bed, with a concerned look on his face he asked, "If this how he normally is?" I just laughed and explained that the boy he had known the last four days was not my child sand introduced him to the REAL Kamden. Aside from a few headaches we were able to lave back to normal with absolutely NO idea what took over my son.
 While laying in the hospital with him, not knowing what was happening to my child, I began to think of those mothers (or fathers) sitting day in and day out at the hospital with their child for months, years even. The fact that while you are so worried about one child, chances are you have other children that you are having to find someone to take care of. I felt completely helpless. At one point they had to drag me out of the room out of Kamden's sight because I just lost it. I didn't have the strength anymore. That was only 4 days. But at least we got to come home. It scares me because i feel like we are living on a "nine lives" system over here.
 Those mother's deserve lifetime of free spa visits. Or at least free counseling and/or lifetime supply of zanex.  
Being a mother is so much more than I ever thought it would be. Good, bad, fun, hard, gratifying, terrifying....I could go on all day. There is just no way to prepare for what may be in store. 
As challenging as those little blessings are I know more than ever that each day with them is a gift. Nothing is worse than seeing your child go through something tramatic and having to just watch. I can imagine how our Heavenly Father feels everyday.
So love those little stinkers with all of your being and thank God for every moment spent.