Cesarean. It's not the end of the world, it's the beginning of your baby's life.

As I start this next post, here is my usual disclaimer: This is my view of my life and medical situation.  My choices are made on what has been best for me and mine.  I've consulted medical doctors and made decisions based on their information.  

Cesarean or C-section seems to be a hot subject.  It's gotten a bad rap and for a lot of women this is their birth option.  I'm hoping that I can help others to understand why I made my choice for my baby and me.  Please be understanding with someone's decisions, especially those sweet and hormonal moms out there trying to get their baby here safely.

When I gave birth to Ava it was a tricky situation.  She was a breech baby.   At 5 months, my midwife started preparing me for the idea of a cesarean birth.  

Why did she prepare me for so long?  She told me that sometimes when women are not prepared for the idea of a c-section they struggle with having one.  Depression can set in, they might be upset that their "birth plan" changed, and so on.  During my pregnancy with Ava, I also had low amniotic fluid.  This factor also put me on bed rest and made it harder for her to turn into position in the final days of pregnancy.   Together with my midwife, another OB, and myself we made a plan to have me go on bed rest to raise the fluid and then try and physically turn Ava before the delivery.  

Things not to do while pregnant and on bed rest:

• Watch a baby being turned, a vaginal birth, or c-section via internet videos
• Listen to other people's hellish personal accounts of everything that went wrong with their birth
• Get opinions from too many people

I did all three.

My Dr. tried turning my strong willed baby a few times. It was painful and unsuccessful.  My amniotic fluid wasn't cushioning the baby enough, so she would turn back to the breech position.  There I was, prepped and headed into surgery for my first c-section.  I would be lying to say I wasn't nervous.  With all the planning in the world I still had a little anticipation anxiety for sure.  Ava came out safe and perfect in just a few minutes.  She was beautiful and everything I had waited for.  The c-section was just a footnote in her arrival.

 

There was pain after the surgery.  Looking back, I feel like it was more from trying to turn her than the actual surgery. My stomach muscles were bruised.  I had experienced major surgery.  There were staples, I couldn't cough without pain, walking was rough, I needed pain meds for days, and I couldn't pee without help.  Would I do it all again?  Yes.  This was my birth option, she had to come out and that was her exit.  

Multiple women I know have had a "C" and it never really stressed me out as far as a scar, or the pain factor.  I've honestly never been that girl that wanted to be in labor for hours on end. I don't know anyone that would.  I knew from the miracle of modern medicine that my scar would heal and my baby would be safe.  I also never associated having a c-section with being selfish or being less of a mother.  You're birth plan doesn't make you a mother, your actions and how you love your baby does.

After a couple days in the hospital, the bandages came off and I got my first look at my "new" stomach.  Post baby your stomach looks about 6 months pregnant and still full.  My incision was beautifully symmetrical and low on my belly.  They told me it would go down over time and shrink substantially.   Guess what?  They weren't lying.  By the following summer I was wearing a bikini and my scar was never visible to others.  The pain from surgery went away after a few weeks and I never looked back.

From my previous post on infertility, you might remember that it was a suggestion for me to try and have my babies somewhat close together.  So a year and a few months after having Ava, we became pregnant with Cohen.  Before and after he was conceived the top question I would get from everyone was "are you going to have a VBAC with your next one?"  

VBAC = Vaginal Birth After C-Section

Again, I carefully considered the pros and cons of a VBAC vs. a C-section:

• A VBAC is a lot less expensive than a C-section
• A VBAC can cause bladder problems and result in additional surgery
• A C-section is major surgery and requires more downtime on your body
• A C-Section can be a scheduled birth (which was a plus in my book!)
• It had only been two years since my previous birth and the scar on my uterus might not be strong enough for a vaginal delivery
• I had also been told that a second c-section isn't as painful as the first

Then I did the best thing for me and talked to a Dr. He was very receptive to all of my concerns and wanted to help me achieve the best and safest result for my baby and myself.  Tim, my Dr., and I went through every risk of each option and again I made the decision very early in Cohen's pregnancy to have a scheduled cesarean birth.  Even with the knowledge of my previous painful c-section, I figured that was it.  Decision made.  Then the questions of others poured in.
  

I'm opinionated, but a huge thing I have learned about motherhood is sometimes unsolicited advice, however thought of as helpful, can be hurtful to others.  I was really surprised about the concern I received about having a second c-section.  I'm using the word concern, but really it was more like a judgment.  Sometimes the questions hurt.  I felt like others doubted my choice, like I just made a snap decision without thinking.  I started feeling frustrated when other people would ask me about my birth plan, like I had to somehow defend it.  I only care about the safety of my baby and me.   Why does so-and-so care if I do it this way? 

Questions like "Why would you want to do that again?" "Why wouldn't you want to have a baby the real way?" "Isn't a c-section really bad on your body?" "You can't nurse if you have a c-section, right?  Surprisingly, this question came up a ton.

I think we are afraid of what we don't know.  Between the repeated questions and the hormones of pregnancy I was getting angrier by the minute.  I just never realized the lack of knowledge there was out there about C's.  Most of the mothers I've talked to that have had a c-section didn't find their birth to be that traumatic.  It was the people around them that made it seem that way. 

In a perfect world pregnancy wouldn't involve discomfort, weight gain, stretch marks, or morning sickness.  Birth would mean your body went right back to it's pre-pregnancy state, you could leave the hospital in your skinny jeans and not your maternity stretch pants, you would look gorgeous while pushing out that watermelon, and maybe somehow you could bypass 30 people seeing your lady parts in the process.  This is real life.  People have seen my lady parts and some days only my maternity pants fit. So just like my post-baby body, a birth plan isn't always perfect.

Cohen's big arrival came quickly.  I checked into Labor and delivery at 6 am.  The anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block for the surgery instead of an epidural.   With a c-section, you are not put completely out by the anesthesiologist.  I was numb, but could still feel pressure in my stomach.  Tim had geared up in his scrubs, the nurses prepped me, the doctors with scalpels in hand went to work, and within a few short minutes I could hear my sweet, fresh from heaven, baby boy crying.  He was perfect.  Tim rushed off with him to be checked and bathed.  Both times my husband has left with my baby and it can be rough.  The anesthesiologist distracted me while they closed me up.  This time instead of staples, they used glue and somehow made my incision site smaller than before.  

After the procedure I was taken to my room.  Within a few hours, I could sit up, touch up my hair and makeup (yes, I'm that girl), walk, and snuggle my baby.  I was a little sore, but the pain was manageable and I felt good.

Typically, you can stay at the hospital four nights with a cesarean.  I'm totally that person that enjoys my hospital staycation.  You have help post-surgery, you don't have to worry about food, and you get to relax and bond with your newest arrival.  It takes a town to raise a baby, well for me it takes a hospital staff to get me through the first few days.  Recovery on my second round was a breeze compared to the first.  I'm so thankful that I was able to have options for my birth and a supportive Dr. I think if we take a step back and look at the upside of any situation we will realize what's really important.

Being a mother doesn't always mean you gave birth to your baby, it means loving that sweet, perfect child more than yourself.  Whether a natural vaginal birth, an epidural vaginal birth, a c-section, foster care, or adoption... they are all still the children that our Heavenly Father chose for us.  We are the ones who kiss them better, watch them grow, give hugs, are there for the good and the bad.  We are their warriors, their advocates, their cheerleaders, their best friends, and sometimes their heroes.  Even in our toughest moments, we know that it is all worth it.  We are their mothers.  

Happy Mother's Day

Make it the best one yet.

 

Please contact Jamie at individualrivalry@gmail.com for comments and feedback on her latest post.  If you have a product or business you would like featured contact us at the above email.  

Taking On Infertility & A Little Maternity Session.

This is just part of my infertility story.  I hope this helps those who are struggling to realize it's a common issue.  Babies come in all different ways: adoption, foster, fertility help, and sometimes unexpectedly.  Also, pregnancy is a private and guarded issue for many.  I have found that most people who are struggling will never tell you, even your closest friends.  Always be mindful of what you might say to someone going through infertility, your "helpful" words might hurt.

Endometriosis

Around the time I was a senior in High School, I began experiencing intense cramps each month.  I always knew something was wrong in the back of my mind, but wasn't sure who to talk to about it.  My family didn't really go to the Doctor and my mom wasn't the most open person.  The older I became, the worse the cramping got.  There were days I could barely move, lived with a heating pad, and took as many hot baths as my water heater would allow.  Finally, my aunt talked to me about endometriosis.  She had it.  It was the cause of her infertility and she had similar cramping to go along with it.  

 Birth Control Blues

For years I would take birth control to help suppress the cramping and would only have to deal with it every 4th month.  The birth control started making me too hormonal and so I quit.  As I've talked about in previous posts, I was married before.  My ex-husband wasn't interested in kiddos (point of difference between us) and so I never went to the gyno regularly until I was 25. 

2010 Photo by Veronica Reeve Photography

I had wanted a baby for years and when Tim and I got married, we decided to start right away.  Tim's dad was a OB/GYN and his Midwife at his practice was amazing and the service was free.  I finally sat down with her and discussed my painful cramping and also how I couldn't wait to get pregnant.  The tricky part with endo is that it can't really be diagnosed without a laparoscopy.  Some women have horrible cramps and no endo, and some have no cramps and the worst endo.  After about 5 months of "trying" and many years of cramping, Tim and I sat down with his dad to talk about an exploratory laparoscopy.  Dr. Healy was a very successful Endo surgeon, delivered over 6,000 babies, and was tops in his profession.  We were not close and so I didn't have a problem considering him to do my surgery.  It probably helped that I'm not a shy person. 

Surgery Scheduled

The lap was over in just a couple short hours.  Dr. Healy burned a substantial amount of endo off my uterus.  He said I would probably get pregnant pretty soon post surgery and that my cramping should go down.  Endo is a disease that grows rapidly in some women and you oftentimes have to have maintenance surgery to clear it again.  After a few more months with no luck, we decided on a couple things.  

1. We would try basic fertility as in Clomid and hormones.

2.  If that didn't work, we would move on to adoption. 

Another Year Goes By

When all you are focused on is getting pregnant, everything seems more sensitive.  Friends getting pregnant, strangers with their cute baby bellies, and all of your negative pregancy tests, you think you might break.  Strangers will get involved with their opinions and sometimes they will sound unintentionally hurtful.  Forgive those people.  Especially if they have not struggled with fertility.  Tim would reassure me constantly that it wasn't our turn yet and that I needed to be happy for others.  I started talking more about my endo and fertility struggles with friends, only to find out that it was very common.  The cramping never went away, we had moved up dosage on the Clomid, and still no sign of a baby.  I remember sitting down with Dr. Healy and him telling me a couple things.  One in two pregnancies is a miscarriage and he also said most people never realize they are pregnant since it might just be for a couple days.  

A Specialist

I decided since it had been over a year since my previous surgery and the pain seemed to be getting worse that I would find an Endo specialist.  This led me to Dr. Arrington.  We went in for a consultation and he thought for sure that my endo was back.  We scheduled surgery, this time on my Birthday.  This surgery took about 5 hours.  He told me he would be cutting away the diseased areas instead of lasering/burning them off.  He explained that cutting it would cut down the chances of it spreading so quickly again.  After surgery he told me that it was worse than he had anticipated since I had the same surgery a year before.  It had spread throughout my abdomen, twisted an ovary and attached the ovary to my abdominal wall, and last but not least spread to my appendix which he took out.

And Then We Waited

I healed.  Cramping lessoned, but was still painful.  February came and Tim's dad passed away.  

A sweet little memorial that Davis Hospital put together for Tim's dad. 

A couple more months went by.  We tripled my remaining Clomid and decided after it was gone that we were done with fertility.  We had also been looking at adoption agencies for a few months.  We had finally chosen one to use and started working on our paperwork and were trying to figure out our home study.  A couple more months went by and then it happened.  I felt my stress about not getting pregnant start to lighten and thoughts of adoption replace the need for pregnancy.  After all, I just wanted a special babe to join our family and I was OK with any means of that happening.  

 If you talk to any girl who is anticipating pregnancy, they will all tell you that each month they take many, I mean tons of pregnancy tests.  Mine always ended up negative followed by my period a few short hours later.  So when July came and I refused to take a test for a few days, I knew what had happened.   After a few days of being "late"... I caved and it said positive.  I was in total disbelief.  

On God's Time

I surprised Tim with the news before a concert we were going to in Park City.  He was even more shocked and excited than I was.  Everything we had been praying for finally came true.    

March of 2013 we welcomed our perfect baby girl, Ava.  We became parents.  I became my sweet Ava's Mom.  

A Baby Boy

I knew that I would probably have to have another babe within a couple years of Ava.  Pregancy temporarily stops endo and then it will continue spreading.  I had two potential options, if I waited a few years to have another babe, I might have to have a lap again.  We decided around the beginning of the year that we were ready.  This time after a few months, we were having our next babe.  He will be born in March of 2015.  My kiddos will be almost exactly 2 years apart.  

Be Careful What You Wish For 

I longed so much to be pregnant that I didn't realize that pregnancy can be a rough business.  There are those of you that were like me, waiting, and I'm sure you are muttering to yourself "Jamie, shut up and don't complain."  I wish I could tell you that pregnancy is glowing, beautiful, and that you only get pregnant in your stomach.  Nope.  Not for me.  My booty gets bigger, thighs touch, I puke everyday, and you may or may not get stretch marks.  My pregnancy with Ava was rough.  I even threw up on the operating table during my csection.  As a girl that envied pregnancy so badly, it wasn't the perfect 9 months.  I've learned that lesson twice.  

I'm so thankful everyday for my sweet babies and the miracle it is for me to carry them.  I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father that helped me through the hardest times.  I know so many people that long for a baby and some will get pregnant and some will adopt.  Everyone will have their opinion, follow what route is best for you.

I decided this round of pregnancy that I would have my sweet husband do a few pics for me.  It's so important to document these moments for yourself and your babes.  It's such a blip in your life that leaves the best memories. 

  XoXo, 

Jamie

For questions or comments related to this post, please feel free to contact Jamie at individualrivalry@gmail.com  

Jamie's Makeup Must-haves for Holiday.

Alrighty loves, it's my must-have Monday.   We are just a couple short weeks away from Christmas and just a few short days later is my 30th Birthday!  Yikes.  Actually, I've never been super concerned with numbers as much as wrinkles.  You can be 20 and have them and 50 and have great skin.  So, it's not about age, but how you feel and how you take care of yourself. 

Check out my video of Makeup Must-haves and my exciting news at the start!  I know the video is blurry.  I couldn't fix it, but yes I'm aware:) Lets just pretend it's a beauty filter.

Tarte is my fave right now for face and chest.  Check out more info here.  I love the color it puts on my skin and adds a little moisture back!  LOVE especially when you get both items for $39!  The mitt is a must.

I'm pretty die-hard St. Tropez, so when this new tanner came out I had to try it.  It's now my go-to for body.  I leave it on all day for max-color.  

$44 and you will fall in love too.  Find it HERE.

Smashbox has my fave BB Cream and you won't be disappointed.  As I said in the video, on the days I self tan my face I use the BB as my moisture/primer about 30 minutes later I apply tanner.  It's a great beginning to my foundation.  Get it and don't forget it comes in shades (colors are pretty light coverage). 

$36 HERE

Make Up For Ever Full Cover Waterproof Concealer is another must have in my regimen.  I'm seriously not sleeping with all this pregnancy happening and I don't want to have to reapply so I love this.  I use shade 6 to brighten the eye area.   

Pro Tip- use as eye primer before shadow to even out dark lids or add brightness to a hooded lid.

 $32 HERE

NYX Buttergloss is the perfect coverage and feel for this cold winter! Guess what?  They are B1G1 half off at Ulta.com right now. 

That makes them 2 for $7.50 HERE!

Well babes, let us know what questions you have at individualrivalry@gmail.com!

XoXo,

Jamie

Halloween!

We love Halloween!  I would dare say Sheena is one of the most creative gals I've ever met.  She can whip costumes together like nobody's business.  The last 2 years I have purchased them for my sweet girl, but I have something up my sleeve for next year.  Just you wait.  Sheena's awesome outfits come from Lego movie and Ava is of course Miss Alice.  I love love love how she made up her "unikitty" for Ari.  That's talent.  

We hope you all have a happy and safe Halloween!  


XOxo,
Jamie & Sheena

Ava in Wonderland

Hudson as Lego Batman

Ari as Lego Unikitty

Boulder, Mary Jane, & a dirty 30.

The last month has been crazy.  I quit my job at Sephora after 6 years so I could spend more time with Tim & Ava.  Since then, we have traveled twice, ran a half marathon, met a couple celebs, planned more vacations, & celebrated Tim's 30th birthday three times (at least).  

Now to back up a bit.

After quitting my job, we were able to schedule a great little trip to Colorado.  I have never been.  It sounded like a great idea, but for those of you who know me.  It's NEVER that simple. 

 

We hopped on a quick flight to Denver & it was perfectly short.  My adorable baby girl is rapidly turning into a rowdy pre-teen.  Let's just say she doesn't have the patience for long flights.  Or maybe that's me.   

 We stayed in Louisville, right next to Boulder.  Travel tip 1: Download Tripadvisor.  Tim always looks at the top places to eat & visit in any city we go to.  First stop: Pearl Street in downtown Boulder.  It was beautiful & quaint.  If you head down to it, parking happens on the streets around Pearl.  Be prepared to pay for parking almost everywhere.  Also take a stroller for the littles & take the time to watch the street performers.  It's free entertainment.

Tim hit the big 3-0 while we were on our travels.  

He's the bee's knees.  

 

 

I found the best mall called Flatiron.  It's about 15 minutes from Boulder & it's magnificent.  You might think I love to shop.  Not really.   Maybe for makeup.  Yea, I could spend a lifetime in Sephora. Ever since I had little miss, I haven't loved looking for clothes.  This mall... Holy crap it was huge.  I spent 5 hours too many in it.  I left with some goods that later got lost on a plane.  Yep.  That my friends is why I HATE clothes shopping.  Later this summer we will be talking to a clothes buyer who is the ultimate shopper!  Maybe she can relight my love for clothes.

Here are a couple pieces I bought knowing we would be going to the One Republic concert (yesterday, but more on that later).  I wandered into Old Navy to pick up Ava a couple things & I left with this cute tank.  I then headed over to H&M for this super light sweater.   Tip 2: Get the WRAPP app!  It's free giftcards for you and your facebook friends.  I had a free $6 to H&M making my sweater on $7.

Sweater// H&M $13

Tank// Old Navy $10

Black Skinnies// JCP $15

 

Now for our favorite part of our trip.  Food.  When we travel, we throw our diets out the window in the evenings & love to try out new places. 

We hit up the Yardhouse.  Yes, it's a chain- but not in Utah.  

Tim had the PARMESAN CRUSTED CHICKEN -garlic mashed potatoes with sun-dried tomato three mushroom sauce.  Yum!

   I'm sure most of your are pretty savvy when it comes to political happenings.  Colorado passed a law legalizing marijuana.   I only bring this point up for two reasons.  One: If you aren't a good driver, DON'T travel into downtown Denver without someone who is.   Not only is Denver a labyrinth of one way streets (just a minor nightmare-no biggy), but jay-walking is a huge problem.  Everywhere we drove, people were almost getting hit by trax or cars.  ANXIETY.  Holy crap.   

Where are you going with this Jamie?  

Where there is pot, there is smoke.  

Wait, I don't think that's how that goes.  Lets try again.  

Where there is smoke, there is the munchies.  

No, I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, or even have Diet Coke.  But, other people do- soooooooooo VooDoo doughnut rolled into town to help fulfill the late night needs.  Open 24 hours!  Imagine eating a doughnut and then multiply the best doughnut by 1000.  Seriously.  The BEST treat I've had in forever.  Prepare to wait.  There is a consistent line out the door, but they are worth it.  

Tip 3: know what you want before you get to the front!  

I had a blast on our little getaway.  The ride home was puke-turbulent & the airline lost our luggage.  

All in all I would say it was perfect.  

 

Happy Monday my loves. 

XoXo

 Jamie

That one time we ran a half marathon with no training. Again.

Each year I decide to sign up for the Ogden Half Marathon & each year I tell myself I will train.  Fail.  I literally run the day before as my "training" and then I pay for it with some massive aches and pains and losing a few toe nails right before swim season.  This year was going to be different, fast forward October to May & still no training. No biggy right?  I've run 13.1 miles, no training, post c-section, in the rain, down a mountain & survived.  So then what?  Well my dad was injured so it meant we had a free spot on our JOGGING DEAD team this year.  Naturally I called Sheena & talked her into my madness.  She was down.  This is why we are besties.  One of us has an insane idea and the other jumps on board.   Our goal?  Run the race in under 3.5 hours.

If you are crazy enough to run this or any other race without training, here are a few helpful hints/favsies to make it through.

 

1. Wake up at the butt crack of dawn and do your makeup.  Why?  If you look good, you feel good, & then you make yourself think you can do it.  A cute running outfit helps too.

2. If you forget everything else, don't forget your lipgloss.  IT MATTERS.  And Sunglasses.  The aid stations provide almost everything else along the way (even fem products).  Leave everything behind.  All you need is you & your tunes. 

Glasses, tunes, & lipgloss!  Check.

3. Take an imodium.  Yes, I went there.  When you run, you will most likely get the "runs."  Everybody poops, it happens & you do not want to be stuck in the potty for long.  Don't eat a big breakfast before the run either.  T-R-O-U-B-L-E! 

 4.  Poorta, I mean port-a-potties, are smelly.  Wear your sunglasses when you go in and don't look down.  Power pee people.  Get in & get the heck out.  We had to pee unwillingly half way down the mountain.  The other problem is it added at least 15 minutes to our finish time.  Sad emoji.

 

Photo from Why I run Blog

5. Jelly Belly makes a great little sports bean for energy along the way.  Grab a little bag & eat as needed.   

6. Run with a friend.  Unless you are competitive.  I am so competitive & so I pushed myself & Sheena the whole way down the mountain.  Sheena & I broke up a few times on the run, but ended great!  & under 3 hours.

Special thanks to Jamie Lampros Shenefelt for this awesome pic of us finishing!

 7. Don't stress, just do it.  It's all worth it in the end... even if a child beats you. 

 

Happy Memorial Day Weekend loves!  Seems appropriate to end on these photos.  Thanks to everyone who serves or has served our country.  Hats off to you & we are forever in your debt!

 XoXo